As I hope you all know, this year has been a difficult one for me. On 6 September Sam died unexpectedly following a fall and an inoperable brain bleed. You can read more details elsewhere on the blog. I should add that before September we managed some travelling and other adventures, although almost no sailing, and you can read about that on the blog too.
Sam was 83 and it was gradually getting more difficult for him to do things and for me to cope. He was walking less and using a wheelchair more, and his speech was harder to understand. I could see the time ahead when we would have to sell the boat, and only travel to very accessible locations. I don't think he was by any means ready to die, but he would have hated a long decline and having more carers, or even worse moving into a care home.
I miss him terribly, but to some extent the Sam I miss is the one from before his stroke in 2012, which dulls the pain somewhat. The funeral and its preparation brought out many wonderful memories of Sam over the years and you can watch the video of images (also shown above) that we put together for the funeral. I know that he would have wanted me to make the most of life on my own, so that's what I'm trying to do... I'm definitely not planning to rush out and look for a new partner, but I do have plans to sail around Britain next year in his memory.
Of course Sam's death has also been a blow to his sons, all of whom have been a wonderful support for me. In autumn 2022, Guy, Kai and Ivy moved to a rented house in Leiston after they were evicted from their house in Reydon. Not long before Sam's death they were told that they were being evicted again, as the owner of the house needed to sell it. We decided to put in an offer which was accepted while Sam was in hospital. My mother and I lent Guy the money, and with house purchases a bit sluggish at the moment it all went through remarkably quickly. Ivy has just celebrated her fifth birthday, and she started school the day before Sam died – talk about life changes all coming together. At least they didn't have to move house! With Ivy at school Guy has been job-hunting and will be starting a new role in January, but despite Kai's support and Ivy being her adorable self, it's been a challenging time for him.
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| Ivy's first day at school, on her fifth birthday, and eating breakfast in Hoxne |
Ben and Anne fortunately bought their house in Kimberley, outside Nottingham, three years ago. Less fortunately the company where Ben has been working since leaving university has been taken over. He was not impressed with the communication and management skills of the new owners, and applied for voluntary redundancy, which he got, after a fair bit more miscommunication. So currently he is taking a well-deserved breather after some stressful years. Anne luckily enjoys her job and will continue there, so they will be able to manage financially.
In November I was at a yoga weekend in Peterborough – something I have done once or twice a year for a while. This time, of course, I didn't need to arrange for anyone to care for Sam. I realised while there that I was only 90 minutes drive away from Ben and Anne's house. It's true that it wasn't exactly on the way home, but I was able to drive up, give Ben a hug and have a cup of tea, and only the cats minded that I was home late.
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| Portraits by Hockney and Holbein |
So being solitary has its compensations. It still seems odd to do something spontaneously without researching accessibility or planning weeks in advance. A couple of times I have been to concerts, once very close to home in Wingfield to see Leveret, and once at the wonderful Apex in Bury to see the even more wonderful Eliza Carthy and Jon Boden. I've also seen the David Hockney portraits and Holbein drawings in London, so I have been more arty than I have for years, and it's all balm for the soul. Next spring I have booked a place on a group walking holiday in Malta, and of course I plan lots of sailing, subject to expensive work on Kalessin being completed (keel rebedded, shroud plates remade, new solar panels etc etc).
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| Running (new trail shoes), festive walk with the Nordic group, and a wet Macmillan Mighty Hike in Northumberland |
I have realised how much I value my friends, especially the female ones. (Sorry chaps). Thank you to Alex, Dee and Mal especially, Charlotte and Carol and everyone from my Nordic walking group, and Sally and all of Stradbroke run club. Thank you to the CA and everyone there, especially Lucy, for being so understanding and supportive. Thank you to my patient and loving siblings and their spouses, and especially to my beloved mother Patricia, who is now 96, slowing down a tiny bit physically but still as sharp as ever. I have given her instructions that she is not to die for a few months at least, as I really need her! And she loves me so much that after I begged her very nicely, she is joining us for Christmas lunch at my sister's house, even though in many ways she'd rather have a day of peace and quiet. She's had a challenging year with her twin sister Sonia, who lives in Cornwall, and is struggling with both physical and mental issues and phoning my mother multiple times a day. A few days after the funeral I managed to get down to visit Sonia for the first time in many years.
Who knows what 2024 will bring to her and to all of us.
If you were one of the many people who wrote, emailed, phoned, came to the funeral or just thought of us after Sam's death, thank you to you too. Please do keep in touch. I need all of you.
Merry Christmas, and fair winds and smooth waters for 2024.
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Happy memories with Sam in 2023. From top left, with Anne and Ben in Nottingham, swimming in Germany, in Barcelona cathedral, and enjoying a beer in Reims
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